East Or West - Where's The Home That I'll Love Best?

Why are expatriates often much more successful than locals? They ought to have troubles, integrating into the new culture. They might stay strangers forever. But for some reason, many expats do not hurry home. Why?

Since I started my way with Socionics in 1994, I succeeded to get acquainted with at least five different cultures. I mean, arriving to a new country, spending some time there, talking with the locals, working together with them, interacting on daily issues, speaking their language, occasionally having some romantic involvement.

And doing a lot of typing. Comparing people of different types, living in that culture. How do they usually differ from the same personality types, but in a different place?

We are often reminded, that each person is unique, and that is true. However, we are supposed to miss the fact, that each society tries to make it’s members similar. Society dictates ways of thinking and of behaving. For everyone. These are “social values”. This is the “common sense”, that is factually, common only to people living in that society.

Like any institution, that tries to impose its ways and manners on everyone, making everyone the same, society benefits some personality types, whose intrinsic attitudes fit the "common sense" of this society. These people usually "fit." They behave "properly, like everyone should." They become examples of a "correct" person. "A true English lord" or "a typical Desi." You've definitely encountered those living examples of what is considered "proper" within this or that group of people. Naturally, in their group, they can attain much more, than others. It would just be easier for them. At the same time, every society suppresses and often vilifies other personality types, whose intrinsic attitudes do not correspond to the “common sense” of that society.

Being an SLE, my viewpoint is well biased. First of all, I’ll consider how I feel myself in this or that culture. Second of all, most of my attention was always turned towards my Duals, who are IEIs.

I can hardly say anything about my homeland, Belarus. It was well before I got acquainted with Socionics. Although I managed to type most my Belarussian acquaintances (I have good memory ;-) ), but being able to consider them in the context of social norms – well, that was too much.

I remember, however, that scorching cultural difference, that I felt, moving from Belarus to Israel. This is where I felt really WRONG.

A typical Israeli may be compared to SEE. Open, smiling and outgoing. Nice to talk with. Pushy and seeking for petty show-offs and wins against others. At any price. Disregarding rules. Israeli tourists are infamous for trying to cut the line, making too much noise, poor behavior in public places, petty breaches.

For SLE’s vulnerable Fi, the necessity to always appear better than the other guy, especially in the petty fights for who is more liked by himself and adored by others – that’s stupid. And hard. Hard to always try to evaluate if you are adored enough to not be considered a "loser." To my eye, most Israeli SLEs appear a bit depressed and confused. They have difficulty to be as outgoing as the society demands, so they are often considered unfriendly. They are less sly and therefore, they are much more prone to become “losers.”

Women-SLEs often put up a mask of “extra-emotionate”. They make a lot of noise, they try to laugh a lot or to appear especially excited. They often exaggerate their emotions. They start to laugh or to yell much faster, than their European Identicals do.

IEIs, however, usually feel pretty fine in Israel. They are often “extra-emotionate” and can sometimes be rather noisy. Typical Israeli IEI can be easily mistaken for an EIE – they often release a waterfall of emotions. But not the same quality. Israeli IEIs often accept that attitude of “being the best and deserving the best,” sharing the best of their emotionality only with their most rich or influential friends.

Moving from Israel to West Germany – oh, what a relief that was! I suddenly felt at home. Since my first days I felt I was much more fitting and accepted in Germany, than I was even after a few years of life in Israel. German attitudes fit me perfectly. It is common in Germany to respect order and rules, people are not pushy and respect everyone's place under the Sun. You do not have to try to show how adorable you are in literally every interaction. Good relations are valued, but personal borders are respected. I remember sharing some food or other things, that I had and others didn't, on a couple of occasions. My German friends were surprised and thankful. In Israel there always would be someone joking, that he deserves more or rushing to be the first one to get his share and a bit more.

And when I expressed some emotionality and excitement to people around – oh, I immediately became a star! I quickly got acquainted with German IEIs, and we had rather good time together. Everything was normal and fine.

Till I entered Bavaria.

Bavaria and Austria often seem similar. They differ from the rest of Germany. Their IEIs left me somewhat disappointed. They seemed a bit frozen. Reserved. Their emotionality was not outgoing. However, they did have this Ni kind of attention towards me. After all, on a few instances, that I manage get acquainted with local IEIs, it was their fault – they approached me and actively awaited that I notice them.

But it always appeared, that IEIs tried to restrain themselves. Somewhat depressed, even when they are relaxed. Somewhat hiding, even when being emotionate. Maybe, trying to pretend they were ILIs or SLIs. In these places, "common sense" best fits SLI's attitudes, I guess.

Nothing to say about Austrian and Bavarian SLEs. I typed only one SLE lady. Overworked, on the run, always a bit drunk. Maybe I spent to little time there. As for me, I only felt comfortable in tourist locations, where most people arrived from other parts of Germany.

French IEIs are probably the most passionate ones. I hardly spent a couple of weeks in France, but it was impossible to not notice French IEIs. Even abroad, meeting a group of French, an IEI would most probably be the star of the moment, the emotional leader of the whole company.

A couple of French SLEs that I met and typed, one engineer and another flight assistant – the guy could be compared to Gerard Depardieu in his best days. The lady – just active, confident, caring, and happy lady.

I need to say something about the United States of America.

When I landed on American soil for the first time, I was impressed. And amazed. This is probably the best place to earn money and to spend it. Hard work and innovation are rewarded. They are appreciated. Financially and socially. This is probably the only place on Earth, where you are not punished for being rich. This is one of the best places on Earth to make money and to spend it. A perfect place to live, if you are individualistic, independent, hard-working and innovative. Probably, LIE ;-)

Or, if you are a Barbie-Girl.

Beautiful and aware of her beauty. Perfectly controlling herself, others, and the wealth, that she always goes together with. Protective, caring and deeply devoted as a friend. Vicious and manipulative as an enemy. Carefully choosing people to be with. ESI.

Nothing more good to say. It soon started to seem, that people's emotions, emotional atmosphere is a sort of a commodity, that might be traded. The same about my wish to sometimes make others stronger by explaining them things, or just motivating. This might be a commodity, too. Besides, making others stronger (not for profit), I'm sort of creating competitors. And that is unwanted, too. So I better restrain myself, too.

My final attitude has been perfectly expressed by Rufus Wainwright (EIE) in his song “I’m going to the town…” A couple of American SLEs – well, normally working people. Not much ambitions. Just work, work, work.

I’ve spent a lot of attention trying to figure out American IEIs. I could hardly remember a few. One sales representative – she appeared over-active, on the edge of her abilities, trying her best to handle everything and to keep the good atmosphere, too. I just felt an urge to calm her down. One more IEI, a SW guy – he was markedly shy. Art Garfunkel style.

I always wonder, what is the best culture to live in – the one that has your type’s attitudes, or the one that has your dual’s attitudes. For me personally, the Dual society is China. Eastern China, to be precise. I’ve never been to other parts.

China was the place, where I felt most appreciated and understood. For nothing. Just for being as I am. I speak just a little Chinese, but language barrier was never a problem. In some situations, when it made them laugh – oh, that was really funny! We laughed together. My attitudes and behaviors, my solutions to daily situations appeared unusual, surprising, but rather welcome. Their common values of “good atmosphere first,” respect to personal space, to personal emotional privacy, that I met in China – never encountered anything like that.

One day I just got too upset. No matter what happened. I was sitting in a park, looking at one spot. I didn’t want anyone to be near. I didn’t want them to see myself in such a grieving condition. But in China you can hardly be physically secluded. Dozens of people were moving around. They saw me. I saw them. I could see, that if I only winked them, showing that their intervention, their emotional support was needed – they would be around me right away. They would do their best to balance my emotions again. But I wanted privacy. And they secured it to me. They did not turn away, like Americans or Europeans would. They did not rush to me, trying to find out, what had happened, like Israelis. They just guaranteed my emotional privacy to me.

This social value of good emotional atmosphere excites me each time anew. If things did not go right at work, my Chinese colleagues always tried to compensate it at least with good atmosphere. Because, no matter what, job may wait, but good mood, good atmosphere - that's the truly important thing!

Needless to say, my Chinese Duals were usually relaxed and fun. And it was my total pleasure to stay with them. So were my Identicals, too.

To summarize and to exemplify, I attach here my collection of IEI videos.

Featuring American, German, Italian (Greta) and British (Fiona) IEIs, my list lets you compare the relaxed, active German IEIs (Siir and Sontje) with somewhat reserved Fiona. And – a bit strange however, both American IEI women that I managed to find, Ricki Lake and Mary Demuth were abused in their childhood. Is THIS the typical fate of American IEIs?